Driver's Ed for Wizards
by bibliobibuli17
Summary: What would result if Hermione and Draco were forced to be partners in a Muggle Studies lesson on how to drive? This is my hypothesis [a.k.a., educated guess]. Short oneshot, no pairing. [T for some mild, and some not so mild, language]


**Disclaimer:** Not mine, peeps.

I wrote this for a Contest on _**The Third Corridor**_ (which you should totally check out, it's completely awesome – and if you join and fill out the sorting survey, say _satire_ referred you!). The specifics are:

In order to create more understanding between Muggles and Wizards after the war, the purebloods are required learn about muggle activities by actually doing them without magic. Could be a sport, housework, any everyday activity that muggleborns would take for granted.

Requirements:  
- Must be written specifically for this contest  
- Must be between 500 and 5000 words

This is the first fic (well, oneshot) I've ever posted – I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1065

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**Driver's Ed for Wizards**

"No, Malfoy! You have to drive on _this_ side of the line!"

"I know that you insipid Mud--muggleborn twit! If these infernal muggles would remove themselves from my path I wouldn't have to drive in the other lane!"

"You're not supposed to just pass them like that, there are rules! Did you not read the manual, you arrogant arse? Besides that, you're going much faster than the speed limit!"

"Speed limit??? Ha. Like any rule, let alone a _muggle_ one, is going to keep me from doing what I want."

Hermione huffed and sat back in the passenger seat, crossing her arms under her chest and glaring darts of fire at Malfoy. Malfoy turned to her to sneer and presumably spew another insult, when –

"Malfoy, _**brake**_!"

Surprisingly, he did as she said, jerking his head back forward while simultaneously slamming his foot down on the brakes with enough urgency to match her command. They screeched to a stop, mere centimeters from the bumper of the vehicle in front of them.

"You _cannot_ look away from the road. You almost killed us!"

"Well if this complete _imbecile_ hadn't stopped in the middle of the bloody road -"

"Malfoy, it's a red light. He _has_ to stop. You really didn't read the manual, did you?"

Malfoy didn't deign to answer, just smirking at her in the most infuriating way… She'd never before desired to hit someone as badly as she did in that moment. Her palms _itched_ to feel the sting of contact with his pretty-boy face.

"You...you...," she fumed, nearly speechless in the strength of her irritation, "You're an ignorant jerk who, by virtue of being born a Malfoy, has the birthright to an icicle up his ar –"

"Shut your mouth you bushy Gryffindor twat! I know what I'm doing. I'm a Malfoy and as such am born with, not an icicle, but an innate –"

"Oh you're full of shite, you repulsive little ferret. I'm the Mudblood – yes, Mudblood – here, if anyone knows what's going on it's me! Let me drive you arrogant git!"

"Not a chance, you frizzy –"

Hermione had had enough. He held their lives in his hands, and he was completely incompetent.

"Malfoy, pull over."

He glanced at her, the indignation displayed so prominently on his face saying it all.

"Just _pull over_ for a minute."

He drove for another moment or two, seeming to contemplate his options, before he complied. He pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face her, glaring his displeasure into her face as if hoping the heat of it would send her frizzy hair up in flames. _That would be the best thing to happen since it became mandatory to take the bloody ridiculous pile of shite this class is, _Malfoy thought to himself, and smirked.

"Now just shut up for a moment. We're not going to get anywhere like this. All this accomplishes is to place us in danger by putting our lives at stake. The one who is driving should be completely focused on the task, and we're a source of constant distraction to each other."

"Well, why don't you take your huffy little fuzzball Gryffindor arse to the Professor and complain about it, then? Like I want to be partnered with a prissy stuck-up bitch –"

"_Malfoy_. Do you have a listening problem? Because you're doing an exceptional job of demonstrating one. My whole point is that we need to stop antagonizing each other and compromise. The sooner we complete this, the sooner we can be done with each other."

"Compromise? Compromise on what? That you're a scarlet woman who spreads her –"

Hermione couldn't help it – she stared dumbfounded for a moment, then proceeded to collapse in helpless laughter.

Malfoy watched this deterioration of her composure, puzzling over his previous statement and what could possibly be so entertaining. "What? What's so bloody hilarious, _Mudblood_?"

Hermione managed to pull herself together, only to fall apart once again at the look of bewilderment on his face, his moment of 'scarlet woman' name-calling running through her head once more.

"What the hell is wrong with you, you buggering nutcase!? What exactly is so funny about the fact that I was _insulting_ you by insinuating you put out for the Weasel and the Potty –"

"M-malfoy," gasped Hermione. "It's not important, you don't want to know anyways –"

"The fuck I don't!"

"Alright, but remember you asked for it."

Hermione glimpsed a flash of trepidation across his face, and felt a small sense of satisfaction at how well she'd managed to put him on edge in the last two or so minutes. Feeling a bit smug, she explained, "During our fourth year, when it was written by that horrid Skeeter woman –" here, Malfoy seemed to gain back some of his own smug superiority – the less-than-noticeable amount that was lost, anyways, "- that Harry, Krum and I were in some sort of love triangle and I was two-timing them, Ron called me a scarlet woman. I was just thoroughly enjoying the fact that you do, in fact, have something in common with one Ronald Weasley."

Malfoy's expression twisted into the familiar patented sneer.

"I do not, and never will have, anything in common with that disgustingly poor –"

"Malfoy. You asked."

He opened his mouth, and knowledge from multiple years of experience led Hermione to the realization that it would be better if he were not given the chance to continue - so Hermione decided she herself should.

"Just forget about it! It's not important at any point in time, much less this one – we have other things to worry about! Can we agree to disagree, compromise on how much we dislike-"

"Hate."

"-hate each other, something around those lines? As much as I love irritating you, I don't particularly want to forfeit my life or any of my faculties for it. Besides that, I want to complete this assignment as soon as possible so we can move on to a new muggle activity and obtain a new partner. Do you agree?"

Malfoy sat and considered for a moment, then reluctantly nodded. Hermione could understand that – agreeing in _any_ way with Malfoy was alien to her, as well.

"So may I please drive us back to the car rental? Without distractions from you?" Hermione asked.

"Get to it, you Mudbloo--muggleborn twit."

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A/N: There's been some questioning of my portrayal of Hermione, and I would like to clear up my reasoning for that.

1) Hermione is a seventh year now. No doubt she's grown more comfortable with herself and more confident. She's more open now to everyone, instead of just her friends - and when has Hermione ever had an issue with speaking her mind? Lol.

2) I like my Hermione more fiery and full of passion than the stereotypical stuck-up and bossy little bookworm she's usually thought to be. It adds spice to the story. :)

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